Navigating a change as a father
By Luke Newman, founder of ‘For Men To Talk’
After eight years of doing the school run, my routine is about to change drastically. At the end of July, I’ll no longer need to drive my twin sons to school and pick them up. They’ll be heading to Upper school in September and will start taking the bus. This shift, while a natural progression for them, is something I’ve been worrying about for a while. It’s made me reflect deeply on how this change will affect me as a father and its potential impact on my mental health.
The school run has been more than just a daily chore. It’s been a time of connection, a part of our routine that’s allowed us to talk, laugh, and sometimes even just sit in comfortable silence. Those car journeys have been precious moments where I’ve felt most in tune with my sons’ lives, sharing stories about our days and simply being together. The thought of losing that is daunting.
As a father, it’s natural to experience a mix of pride and anxiety as your children grow up and gain independence. Watching my sons step into this new phase of their lives is a proud moment, but it also brings a sense of loss. The school run has been a constant in our lives, a dependable part of our daily rhythm. Now, that rhythm is changing, and I’m left wondering how to fill that void.
I’ve always believed in the importance of talking about our feelings, especially for men. It’s why I founded ‘For Men To Talk’—to create a space where men can share their experiences, struggles, and triumphs without judgment. Now, more than ever, I need to practice what I preach. This change is a reminder that life’s transitions, even the seemingly small ones, can have a significant impact on our mental health.
So, how do we navigate these changes? Here are a few strategies I’m planning to use, which I hope can help others in similar situations:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, anxious, or even a bit lost. Recognising and accepting your emotions is the first step in dealing with them.
- Stay Connected: Just because the school run is ending doesn’t mean our time together has to. I’m planning new ways to stay connected with my sons, whether it’s through evening or weekend activities, or simply making time to talk each day.
- Find New Routines: Change can be an opportunity to establish new, healthy routines. I’m looking at this as a chance to carve out some time for myself.
- Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it’s talking to friends, joining a support group, or seeking professional help, remember that you’re not alone.
- Celebrate Their Independence: Embrace this new chapter in your children’s lives. Their growing independence is a testament to your hard work as a parent. Celebrate their milestones and trust in their ability to thrive.
As my sons prepare to take the bus to school, I’m preparing to adapt to this new phase of fatherhood. It’s a journey we’re all on, learning and growing together. By talking about it and supporting each other, we can navigate these changes with resilience and grace.
For those of you going through similar transitions, I encourage you to share your experiences. Let’s keep the conversation going, for the sake of our mental health and the well-being of those we love. Together, we can create a community where men feel empowered to talk, to share, and to thrive through all of life’s changes.
Stay strong, stay connected, and remember—you’re not alone.
Luke Newman, founder of ‘For Men To Talk’